Tony Attwood meets Erin Gruwell: Freedom for Real

December 2, 2007 1 AM

Finding a Voice, Being a Person

Result: Freedom for the Aspie

Freedom happens when you have a voice-with-imagery-and-words (one phrase) which triggers the COURAGE to seek a Relationship, that is, an audience. (Someone sees and hears you.)
If you do not know that the Other exists then there is no impetus to create or be creative.

Without awareness of the Other there is no need or desire to speak.

But further, even if there is a need, a desire, if the Other does not RESPOND—and especially if there is not human response but only savagery of the body, mind, heart and of soul—if there is no Other to listen, to affirm, then creativity, using one's voice, withers and fades away....not a sudden releasing death, but a weary, painful agony of aloneness.

Freedom is the ability to shine, to see the effect of that Light on the Other, and then to receive Light in return.

Freedom is not about SELF, but about SACRIFICE; and yet that very act of giving up
AMAZINGLY *
results in becoming MORE
-More love
-More truth
-More beauty
-More HOPE
-More courage

Freedom means it is okay to fly to a strange (very) city and to meet strangers—who aren't.
Freedom means it is okay to cry because all pain is equal. There is no petty pain. It pain were small then it would not be recognized as pain and we-I wouldn't change.

Freedom means it's okay to Laugh. Giggling is fine, but Real Freedom means Real Laughing, laughing because the Other hears, the Other understands, and together we-you-I are safe.
Freedom means it is okay to be goofy, to be silly, to be weird, to DANCE, because you are SAFE with the Other.

Freedom means having the courage to see....
....the courage to act...
...the courage to fail.

Real freedom means transfoming PAIN, sharing that transformation, and setting the pain and the change free to keep the Transformation Process eternal.

Humans are annoying, yes. I can think how others may think about my friends. I can think how perky and poised Erin can be reacted to by some people as if she were annoying. I can think how pumped up, dynamic and passionate Reneé can be reacted to as if she were annoying. I can think how gentle and self-effacing Fernando, a Knight, could be perceived of as annoying. These are some of my heroes!

In my experience, so many persons have the effrontery to judge others and I want to stop that. I know that most of the people that I have met—and they easily number in the thousands—have chosen to perceive me as an annoyance. I am too intelligent, too perky, too shy, too heavy, too something. This annoyance toward me started as a chain reaction begun by my own parents.

I have never felt accepted. I have never felt worthy (although I believe that God thinks me worthy). I have never, even as a Mother, felt wanted or needed. SO I have never quite belonged.

One of the hardest question on this weekend of retreat, conference, workshop, therapy, discovery, is “Where are you from?”
Not here.
Not Earth.
Not New Hampshire.

I am an alien. My home is the third star in Orion's belt, 2nd planet to the right. Straight on until morning.

As a wee child I looked at the night sky and cried to go HOME.

WHAT AM I DOING IN LONG BEACH? I AM NOT A TEACHER, I AM NOT CERTIFIED OR TRAINED...

Am I here because of a mistake, a presumption—a lie? Did Erin THINK I was a teacher? Then I am here under false pretences. (HA! Are there TRUE pretences?)

I need to be Real, “put my money where my mouth is.” If I am willing to follow The Call then my RESPONDABILITY is to live in HOPE.

I had hope when I went on a retreat 18 months ago. I had hope when I attended an autism support group where I met Cathy, the presentor and now we present together. I had hope when I gave a keynote address to 200 teachers about autism. I had hope that the Spirit led me to Norwood, MA, to the conference hosted by the May Institute where I met Erin, Stephen, Maria and Robyn. And it all leads to
Here
Now.

Where I can struggle with words, images, emotions, and people
-but the Other
-the Others
-are LISTENING

-are RESPONDING
-are LIVING LIFE TOGETHER.

I am in so much physical pain this evening. My toes hurt my feet hurt my knees hurt my back hurts my hands hurt my neck hurts my skull hurts my dandruff hurts (okay—so I don't have dandruff, I just got caught up in the word pattern) my spolit ends hurt—YET I DO NOT HURT.

Freedom is dancing when there is pain. And crying about it and then laughing about it. Freedom is seeing the sparkies, the Light in the Other's eyes and those sparkies in the eyes look just like the Orion constellationand suddenly I am streaming flying to my Star and my Home planet BUT/AND ...IT IS HERE.

Oh yeah, so I sit down to write all this freedom stuff and PBS had on the British Invasion 1964-1974 and I am loving the music because that was my first voice, using the words and melodies of others in order to communicate and to relate which is WHY I know so many songs. I need just the right lyric or sound byte for each moment of life on planet Earth.

Then Lulu comes on and sings “To Sir, With Love” one of my favorite songs BUT the next song is “Wild Thang, you make my heart sing."

And all I could think was “I'M AUTISTIC????” Who put together this show list????

Why am I here? At the Freedom Writers Foundation with teachers from Hawaii, Alaska, The Dakota's, Florida, New Jersey, Nantucket, all over?

Many of you respond to me, to me, telling me that I touched your hearts.

Ah! So that is why a non-Teacher is here...to serve! Whatever it is, whoever I am, hearts amd minds have been touched, loved.

That makes me feel good.

But whoa—That means you have been listening to me, you are hearing what I am sharing, you have an inner response and to top it off you are communicating it BACK to me.

And doing so without lying, being GENUINE, so that means that we are in RELATIONSHIP. Does that mean the joke's on you? On me? Can I really have a relationship?
We ARE in a relationship (and if you leave me I will kill you...not, but just that passionate).

Freedom, remember Freedom? Courage?

All my life I have held on, sometimes with a strangle hold, to hope, or the idea of hope.
Because of who you all are, the Freedom Writer Teachers, you have helped me change more than any intervention, any coping mechanism or accommodation has ever helped. In five short days I learned more aboutbeing a HUMAN than with all the therapists I have known.

Because of your Truth, I don't feel so alien.

I feel like maybe Earth might be a Good Home after all.

Be it ever so humble, there is no place like home.
Thank you for living the genuine, humble, loving life.