urse last Spring at Antioch University called Autism Spectrum Disorder Graduate Certificate. I am still trying to have the department delete the word 'disorder.'The Reader's Digest Great Encyclopedic Dictionary defines the psychological concept of ANXIETY as "a tense emotional state characterized by fear and apprehension."
Persons with Asperger's Syndrome, as well those with the high IQ autism, often struggle with anxiety and depression. Indeed, emotions are a challenge that can lead to depression as well as anxiety.
In the not-too-distant past, the flat emotional affect (facial, body and gestural display) of Auties and Aspies led clinicians to believe that we were cold, aloof and completely not empathetic.
Part of me understands this and part of me is angered by the judgement inherent in this.
It is well and good to create positive strategies, to use role modelling, videography, prosocial skills training, and pragmatic language skills. BUT if children are experiencing anxiety and depression, then that BY DEFINITION means that there are emotions running rampant in the heart and minds of Auties and Aspies regardless of expressive language deficits.
Then I ask myself, and by extension I would ask the researchers, what CAUSES the anxiety?
My answer is fear. Just as sensory filters can be different from the majority (neurotypicals or NT's), so can emotional filters. Both emotions and sensory input affect the central nervous system, the auto immune system, and the endocrine system.
We are electrical beings, our atoms and molecules radiating energy from conception to death, and probably beyond. So neurotypicals intuitively receive emotional signals from one another.
Which brings me to Theory of Mind, which is like an Abbott and Costello film...Abbot says 'We have to get back to the car.' Costello replies 'I know that.' Then the repartee begins...'How do you know that? I just thought it.' Costello quips 'I don't know, but I know you were thinking.' Then is progresses: 'How do you know I was thinking?' ' How do you know I was thinking what you were thinking before I told you I know.'
I am paraphrasing their routine, but Theory of Mind hypothesizes that NT's develop this trait naturally, while Auties do not.
BUT, if there are buried or inaccessible thoughts, can not there be buried and inaccessible emotions ? From whence comes this anxiety? From whence comes this depression? There must be interior knowledge of some sort for this response to exist.
What if, like sensory integrative dysfunction wherein all the senses are over aroused or under stimulated, what if emotions lack the same filtering constellation? We feel emotions all right, but like flickering lights and noisy crowds these electrical emissions overwhelm, and the mind, which is supposed to develop ToM intuitively, creates a protective barrier instead?
I know when emotions are running rampant. I have mentioned to others that walking along a city sidewalk is akin to a Coast Guard cutter breaking through the Artic ice flow. BUT I cannot interpret them. Indeed they often feel like an attack. This is a large part of why I never attended autism support group meetings before last year.
On the one side, I was acting Autie by keeping to myself and learning by my self. On the other side I have interacted with enough parents to know that fear and anxiety on THEIR part fills a room with tension-which I do not interpret well or handle (filter) well. So why would I want to attend a meeting with that type of energy?
Which brings me back to underlying emotions and from whence do they come?
Lately I often think that all the therapists, psychologists and researchers are looking at this neurological difference from such a global position that they, the NT's of the world, cannot see the details of what is happening.
I need to digress and tell a personal story here and it is so hard that verbal and written language is so linear. I wish you could simply plug into my mind and see all the pictures, but linear is what I have so here is the story.
I used to meditate alot in my twenties. Having five children precludes that opportunity right now, but just before I got married I was soaking in a hot tub relaxing, with candlelight and Pachabel's Canon in D playing. Then I had this weird experience, wherein I was in this dark, quiet and gentle place. I had no worries, I felt safe and content. Then I felt attacked, pushed and shoved and squashed. Then in my mind there was all this noise and almost shouting and people calling for help and then bright sharp lights assaulted my senses and I was cold and alone and scared.
When i aroused from this experience I had the thought that this was a birth experience. I asked my Mom about our birth, and I discovered an incredible fact: my Mom and I both almost died during labor. There were indeed doctors and nurses yelling and as is typical of birth in 1950's hospitals, lots of bright lighting and noises.
This experience and new knowledge led me to visualize birth, and when I had my own first baby I set up a birthing room at home with a midwife, and I had low lighting, gentle music playing, and calm loving attendants. What a different experience my son had!
But I use this visualization in talks about autism. I ask attendees to close their eyes and imagine the safest, warm, shadowed place they could. I ask them to imagine feeling so contented, no hunger, no thirst, no cares or concerns. I ask them to imagine peace and safety. This is harder than one might think. Then I have them imagine that the room suddenly closes in on them, that it shrinks and tightens and eventually squishes them. I have them try to think about a loud experience such as a construction site and city traffic, and suddenly being thrust from safety into extraordinarily bright sunlight, sharp cold, lonliness, hunger and scratchy rough clothing.
Then I ask them for what this guided meditation might signify. It amazes me how quickly so many, especially women, respond with the understanding that I am describing the birth process, what it looks like from the inside, from the baby's perspective.
So now we come back to the highly sensitive body, the greatly sensitive emotional state of a neonate. Can we see and understand from where comes the first fear, the first anxiety? What others percieve of as joyful and fulfilling can be a nightmare for the littlest of us.
I think it is fantastic that Cognitive Behavioral Therapies can help us reduce and redirect anxiety. But until we understand how primal these feelings are then we are not healing and addressing the underlying or root cause.
We all need to feel safe and loved. We all need a sense of peace and if not happiness at least contentment. When a newborn feels attacked, then the shut down and closed filtering system for sensory overload becomes understandable. Teaching strategies for behavioral and emotional responses is a significant help.
Demonstrating safety and restructuring memory may go a longer way toward helping an Autie or Aspie feel safe and confident enough to pursue life, liberty, and happiness, in one's family, one's culture, and society.
