I love Tony Attwood.
This is not Tony Attwood. It is Don Adams of the 1960's TV show, Get Smart, and he comes into this story. Later. (The Blogging Editor doesn't let me place photographs where I want them.)
But back to Tony Attwood.
I have not always loved him. I thought perhaps he was a bit arrogant a bit presumptuous. But I know him better now. I have read his latest book The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome and I have also had the honor of attending his conference in Boston this past September. Carol Gray was his co-presenter and the Autism Association of New England sponsored the conference, for which there were almost 1,000 attendees.
But I still have difficulty with some psychological presumptions. But to be fair, perhaps that is because Auties and Aspies are each different with a different constellation of affects, affectations, and affections.
Theory of Mind is the concept that people can use past experiences and knowledge to predict and/or explain another's behavior. It is the idea that one can figure out, perhaps, what another person feels, thinks, desires and believes. Apparently the majority of people, the 'neurotypicals,' can perform this grand feat at a young age and that it begins with pretend play.
An example for pretend play is the child's ability to take anything and transform it, for instance, using a banana to be a dump truck, or a teddy bear doll to represent a mother or father.
For me, this is tantamount to lying. Truly. One should use a tool for its purpose, there is an inherent rightness in that. So perhaps it is the NT child whose perceptions are squirrelly and it is only because the majority plays this way that it can be considered normal.
What is normal? It is only a statistic, but humans set much store by such numbers and for me that is a sign of their insecurity...If everyone has a car, and I get a car (even if it is a decrepit 1986 Ponitac Skylark) then I fit in. If I get a Lamborgini, then I not only fit in overall, I excel somehow.
But does anyone besides environmentalists consider the miracle of feet? I suppose weight loss specialists would also value the gift of mobilization.
My first pretend play insight was from television, which I knew was fiction even when my peers did not and still today many cannot tell the difference. Hmmm. There was a comedy show, Get Smart, and in it Maxwell Smart and Agent 99 had many "tools" that were unusual and that parodied the technology in espionage. I was totally fascinated by the idea that a person might take off a shoe and talk into it just like a telephone! To this day I will mimic the actor, whipping off anything--even a shoe--and bark out "Hello, Chief? This is Max!" I think it is particularly funny when I actually do that with a phone handset or cell phone. (Of course it is best when someone remembers the show!)
Perhaps this attention to playing with shoes is what instigated my interest in the social world in junior high school. Personally I think that it is poor timing for figuring out there are other important persons as SO MUCH goes on in adolescence.
This blog is too long...
Anyway, there is this game, a test, that psychology researchers use to determine if a child has Theory of Mind or whether it may be considered a "deficit." They are all complex, but the researchers think these set-ups are simple. Apparently many children already understand this game and on a type of 'auto-pilot' can predict behavior.
But I would like to suggest a different tact.
Sally and Ann are friends. Sally has a basket and a marble. Ann has a box. Sally leaves Ann alone, at which point Ann takes the marble and hides it in her box. The Great And Ominous Question that 'proves' Theory of Mind is: When Sally returns, where will she think that the marble is?
This, of course, is the wrong question.
Here it is from My Side of the Mountain.
How do you know that Sally and Ann are friends? How long have they known one another? Are they neighbors or school pals? Are they wearing similar clothing? Do they really have similar interests, especially since one has a box and one has a basket? Why does one have a box and one a basket? Is Sally related to Little Red Riding Hood who also had a basket? If there is only a marble in the basket, why? Misuse of space, if you ask me, as well as misuse of purpose. Girls don't play marbles, they play jacks. Boys play marbles, so why does Sally have a marble? Did she steal it from her brother? Does she have a brother? What color is it? Is it a cats' eye? Is it one of those big ones with lots of colors? If Sally and Ann are friends, why does Sally leave Ann alone, without any explanation? And if Ann is her friend, why does she take, or steal, the marble? Sally returns without any explanation and Ann doesn't even say "hi." Aren't they supposed to say "hi" if they are friends? I could generate another dozen question but you get the idea, don't you?
And you want me to think about Sally's thinking?
I have had tests like this, and truthfully, True and False or Multiple Choice questions are the bane of my academic life. There are just too many "threads" to follow, too many word choices. Connotations rule the speech world, and they are dangerous for me.
So I would like the Tony Attwoods to think (ToM?) about a different type of processing. We know that Aspies prefer to see details rather than the global picture. Could that not be true about these silly games? What if Aspies know they are games and are trying to figure out the POINT? Maybe the question should be....What is the therapist thinking you are thinking about this game?
And this face recognition/eye gaze thingee...What if, from birth, Aspie babies learned from the Brazelton Baby Dance that eyes lie? That faces don't always reflect true feelings and that the people closest to them HIDE themselves? What if that takes the place of cuteness learning (ToM) so early, so innately, that hiding one's self is the impetus for gaze aversion? One is asked to listen...the ears are on the side of the head, and the sound comes out the mouth. The mouth is statistically where Aspies tend to watch. That would not be a problem for deaf persons, why is it considered a problem for Aspies? That is from where the sound emanates! I don't hear with my eyes! In fact, I have to consciously close out visual input to listen with my whole heart and mind. Is a little gaze aversion too much to ask of NT'S?
Looking into one's eyes is paramount to gazing into the soul, and my rule is that this type of intimacy is reserved for those whom I love. I make eye contact, as painful and embarrassing as it can be, because it is expected. But I reiterate...people lie through their eyes and facial expressions. I often reflect that how a person uses their HANDS tells more about their true Nature.
I will confess to this: In Psychology Today, a few years back, there was a mini-test of Simon Baron-Cohen's work, about 100 faces with emotions assigned to them. I have been a performing artist, I read alot, and I watch lots of films. I thought I would "ace" this test.
I got four faces correct. And this summer I read that they, Baron-Cohen's team in England, have identified like 451 different emotions. Like, we NEED that many? Isn't life hard enough?
Which brings up the issue--WHY DO PECS BOARDS ONLY HAVE 3 or 4 EMOTIONS ON THEM? Sad, Angry or Happy...how about BORED? Joyful? And why not use REAL faces not line drawings? Aren't Real Faces and Real Emotions the POINT?
I digress.
There are these thingees labelled emotions. Sigh. Aspies are a paradigm shift. I prefer to laugh and dance at funerals because the person is FREE. I cry at movies, but not in life. I think, though, that Aspies have not the monopoly on this difficulty with emotions.
The entire male portion of the human race also has trouble. I asked my husband for like 10 years, "How are you feeling?" I ask this of many men. Now most people actually misrepresent the Truth, but men almost always say FINE. They are thinking about PHYSICALLY feeling fine. I learned the social lesson shortly after graduating college...the question refers to emotional feelings. HOW ARE YOU FEELING? can be a mere greeting (a concept which took me a long time to understand and is one with which I still struggle) or a genuine inquiry.
A wedding is joyful, but people cry. A birth is painful but people smile and rejoice. Time is an invention of industry and its requirements of people, and being late for work or appointments makes for Major Stress, but it is not REAL.
So I wait. Tell me a story. Tell me the story of the odd connections and leapings and rules of the majority. At the rate of autism incidence, it would be good to understand the Typically Developing. Auties may be the majority someday and I think that we think that you all think maybe we could learn not to judge, not to use sarcasm, not to tease or bully.
You think?
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